hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
