i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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