Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
