i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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