Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize