ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
