The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
