my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
