Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize