I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
