So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize