The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
