my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
