sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
