Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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