I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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