I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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