You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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