I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
