we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
