I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
