Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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