youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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