Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
