I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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