That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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