i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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