xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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