so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
