those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
