After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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