I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
