remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
