the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
