Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Enjoy the penises
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
