i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
