You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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