Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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