I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
