someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
