it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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