he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
