The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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