i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
