Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
