I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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