he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
