You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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