I have demons in me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
