i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
