My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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