My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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