nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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