how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
