He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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