I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
