What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
