so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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