you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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