Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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