Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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