cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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