And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize