I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
