Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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