In the future we'll all be gay
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
