Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
