i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
