the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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